Hazy phone calls

So I'm back on the road again.

It's been a rough couple of days. I don't know. I'm all fucked up in the head again and I don't know how long I can keep it together. I'm coming apart at the seams after what happened with.....yeah. I don't want to type it out, you all know what happened. With Elaine. With....

Fuck it.

I traveled with Richard for a few days, but he's gone now. I don't really remember much of it, it's sort of hazy, but we talked about a lot of things. About what happened there, about his time in that strange forest, about David. He told me I needed to get my shit together, I think. Like I was a lot worse than I am now, shaking and puking and...just. Let's not talk about it.

I feel watched again. But I haven't seen Him since I left. I dunno what the fuck it is, I just can't get over this dread and despair and I...I'm so fucking sick of this shit.

So I'm going to go see M in Chicago. Finally. We worked most of the details out over the phone and he's going to give me directions when I get there to where Bondie lives. YES he's alive folks so quit your bitching he'll post when he wants to. I remember that conversation, I was more sane then. Or at least as sane as I'll ever be anymore. He told me

"You should have known this shit was going to happen. It doesn't matter if you're 'safe' from Him or not, awful fucking things always happen when you get in large groups."

I guess he's been waiting for me to come to Chicago this whole fucking time. He didn't want to leave Bondie's house until he and i had seen each other cause he was afraid I might end up like Beth. Which is understandable, I mean, Id be worried to after what happened last time with her she ended up getting fucked up by Him or disappearing or the safehouse she builts fell or something i dont quite remember anymore its all kind of hazy

Fuck it.

I'll post again when I'm in Chicago.

Peace out,
Shaun

fuck

i didnt know

it was

oh god

i had NO FUCKING IDEA

im so sorry

elaine

jennifer, levi, adam...emily. forgive me. fuck, please, just...



richard's making me get moving. travelling together.

ill post again, whenever.

godfuckingdammit

Everything is Awful

I knew it. I knew something was wrong. I've been filled with fucking DREAD these last few days. Now I know why.



I'm sitting here in an absolutely gorgeous hotel room,(translation: it smells like ass) wondering where it is my life went wrong and what any of us did to deserve all of this....

I left Hope.

'Why?' you ask. Let me tell you why.

Hope is a fraud. A clever fucking sham that's been deceiving you all since practically day one. I know this because I heard Elaine herself talking about it. She wasn't in our bed when I woke up this morning, so I went looking for her. Usually there are a few places she hangs out fairly often so that people can find her, but....today she wasn't in any of those places. I had to go find her on the roof, where she was apparently talking with David. I got there just in time to overhear a part of their conversation from my spot behind the door, and yes before you ask I was being a sneaky asshole and hiding for a bit. I don't trust David, and neither should any of you. After what he did to Jessie and what he's done here at Hope....yeah.

I managed to overhear this,

"Yeah, I'll hand him over by the end of the week. Fucker has it coming."

from Elaine to David.

I don't know who they were talking about. I don't know what the context was. But the sound of it is fairly awful, don't you think? It doesn't help that when I confronted the two of them, Elaine told me everything about the deal she has going with David to keep Hope 'safe'. Safe my fucking ass.

Elaine gives him information on you guys. All of you. Information about where you're headed, where you are currently, where you might be. It's not much but this is David we're talking about. If he wanted to get you he could and she's only making it easier. If he wanted to get you, it would be this easy.

And if He wanted to get you, it would be EVEN FUCKING EASIER!!


...

...So, that's why I left Hope. I'm sorry Elaine. I just can't let people walk into this blind, without knowing, and part of me hopes you can call the whole thing off and keep running Hope some other way. There must be another way of keeping the place safe that doesn't involve selling out and I'm sorry David used you to find new folks to prey on like that. It's not your fault. I don't blame you. I don't hate you for it. I just...I can't stay there, knowing what I know about what you're doing. And I can't keep quiet either because it's burning up inside my head and I have to tell you all to get out, every single one of you needs to get out right now before it gets any worse.

Hope is a lie. I should have known that from the very beginning. It always has been.

I'm getting back on the road again, after tonight. I've got all my supplies in a nice new duffle bag and I'm ready to go. This is my life. I've done this enough times to know how things work and what happens next. Time to go back on the run.



Goodbye Elaine.

Peace out, Hope.

-Shaun

Sunday Music

I sure am glad I don't have a fucken' landlord, heh

23 Seconds Kids

So these kids went into a forest.

And going into that forest turned out to be a bad idea. Why? 'Cause shit went down and apparently Slenderman and one of his more powerful cronies, Writer, ended up trapping them there to slowly torture and kill off one by one.

I know, such a pleasant story.

I'd like to say that their story had a happy ending but I dunno. We saved three out of about 48 kids who originally went into that forest, but you know what? I think that's fairly impressive, honestly. Three lives which otherwise would have faded away into nothingness in a forest full of death and despair. That's a goddamn miracle.

I should back up a moment.

After Konaa put up a post rally cry about saving these kids, Elaine asked me if I wanted to help them out. Of course I said yes, and we made the trip to Canada to meet up with Konaa and charge in their blind.

It was stupid and we could have, should have, died. Elaine...describes it better here but...well, it was an odd experience, entering what I've heard refered often to as a 'Loop.' Weird, disturbing shit, let me tell you that. It messed with my head a lot. i dont like anything that messes with my head. i need my head

but anyway. The whole place reeked of death and my brain was buzzing strangely the entire time. These things...they're beyond what we understand, let me leave it at that.

I remember picking up this set of dog tags,

"Zachariah Hanna Lewis"

and then fucking Richard came out of nowhere with a switchblade to my neck. I would have whooped his ass for it, but I understand. He's been through hell, and I'm so glad we could get he, Elliot, and Alex out. There was a whole lot of dying, and a whole lot of running, and some shit went down between Writer and another guy I'm unfamiliar with, and I ignored most of it because what mattered was getting these kids out and safe and alive.

I'll never forget any of the shit I saw there, let me tell you that much.

Christ. They're about the same age as me and I keep calling them kids. Whatever. I'm going to go lie down as soon as we're home because frankly, the things I've seen and experienced are starting to get to me. It takes being truly happy to be truly sad.

peace out,
Shaun

Hey, it's that time again!

Sunday!

Music time!

I'm totally in a good mood this morning, can ya tell?