Not Afraid

I'm not. I don't want to be, not anymore. There's nothing that corrodes worse than fear.

I checked into a hotel earlier tonight. it's not as though I think it's safe, but I've run out of money and I'm meeting up with someone soon. Maybe I'll have more to say about that later, maybe I wont. It depends on how I feel when I get to it. haha, you guys don't get much about what's going on with me, I'm sorry about that. I try to make a difference but what can I do with only words? I don't know, nothing ever seems to come from what I post on this blog anymore, so...

well, maybe I'm less afraid of Slenderman and more afraid of fading out. Turning into a ghost. It wouldn't be the first time that that's happened to me. When I checked in to the hotel, this old man in the lobby came up to me to tried to make conversation. He was really white haired and whitered, but sweet.

"Ya look like you've had it rough, son." He said.

"Yeah." Was just about all I could respond. "I guess I do."

"Let me tell you, I know what that's like. I fought in the Vietnam War...that shit changes a person. You," And he pointed really intense like at me. "You look like you've seen a war. Like that's changed you. My advice, get yourself some help, and then go do something about it. Go, help other people, do something worth your time, 'cause you got plenty to do with what ya got."

And just, all I could think to respond was, "Yeah." That was it. Nothing but a one word answer that I wasn't okay with and couldn't build a conversation with. His words just really stung. and he left shortly after that so I didn't get to tell him all the things I want to do. I don't even know all the things I want to do. That's what bugs me. I guess I'm just sick of being stuck with shitty circumstances: shady financial organizations experimenting on me, people I care about disappearing right before my eyes(or me, disappearing right in front of them)

and on top of all that there's some fucking Eldritch Abomination that shows up in my hotel room and looks terrifying and it wont go away and it has tentacles for miles but there aren't miles for them to exist within so the world has to stretch and bend and break and

you get the point. I'm going crazy and fading away at the same time, and I'm not okay with that. I need to do something about that. But I don't know what.

Yet.

"It's better to burn out, than to fade away."

Peace out,
Shaun